Self Doubt

I've been refraining from making posts about my thoughts and insights since starting The Underground Connection, because I've always felt there are enough blogs about people's thoughts on life, and I didn't want to add to the pile. I wanted this blog to just document the evolution of my subway idea. But I changed my mind. As my good friend pointed out, if I don't keep posting, I'll lose readers, which indeed did happen during a long dry spell. Losing readers is counter-productive toward advancing my cause. So from now on I'll be sharing lessons learned from my morning activity.

This past Monday morning I was hit hard by self doubt. While waiting to get onto the F, I was thinking I can't do it. I thought maybe it's not possible to affect subway culture. I thought the subways are too crowded to start talking. I should just quit. But then I realized something. I always hear these negative voices before I start my morning routine. Never during, or after. And I realized I cannot trust myself before go-time, because it's just my unconscious trying to trick me out of doing something stressful. It's amazing how when you're scared to do something, you can logically convince yourself out of anything. Sometimes the fear just feels like exhaustion, so I could tell myself I'm just too tired today to do what I want to do. So I made a promise to myself that I will never back down before going out, no matter how well I rationalize that it's bound to fail. I will do it anyway. Curiously, once I jump in, the negative thoughts vanish and I make little successes every time and my outlook becomes completely positive. I tell myself then that this is the voice to remember.

I'm going to apply this lesson to all areas of my life. If I need to do something stressful like talk to my boss, I will do it first, and then judge its success or failure. Don't listen to the voice that tries to talk you out of something just when the time comes to act.